TEMPE TOWN LAKE ยท TEMPE, AZ
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~ ~ ~ IT AIN'T A MYTH ~ ~ ~

โ˜… WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL IIWS WEBSITE โ˜…

Welcome, concerned citizens, amateur cetologists, and curious skeptics. You have found the official online home of the Institute of Inland Whale Studies, Tempe, Arizona โ€” the only accredited* research institution in the United States dedicated exclusively to the study of the Tempe Town Lake Whale (Physeter macrocephalus desertica), also known as the Sonoran Desert Lake Whale.

โš  Most people do not know about the whale. This is by design. The City of Tempe, the Army Corps of Engineers, and several national media organizations have actively suppressed information about the creature since the lake was filled in 1999. We at the IIWS are committed to transparency, scientific rigor, and not getting eaten.

*Accreditation pending review by the Western Association of Inland Marine Biology Institutions (WAIMBI), est. 2001.

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๐Ÿ” THE PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE ๐Ÿ”

In the early months of 2002, National Geographic (pre-DOGE) dispatched a team of six marine biologists and two underwater camera operators to Tempe Town Lake following anonymous tips received by this institute. The expedition ended in catastrophe.

Before the crew was consumed by the creature, diver R. Hendricks (missing, presumed digested) managed to activate his underwater camera. The resulting photographs were recovered from the camera housing, which washed ashore near the Tempe Center for the Arts on March 3, 2002.

๐ŸŒŠ๐Ÿ‹๐Ÿ’ง
Fig. 1: Hendricks Photo #1
"thrashing observed, large fin visible"
[UNENHANCED]
๐Ÿ‹ PENIS MAN
ELVIS THE CAT
Fig. 2: FBI Enhanced Version
"graffiti + harpoon visible"
[ENHANCED - JAN 2003]
33ยฐ25'34"N
111ยฐ56'12"W
DEPTH: 22FT
TEMP: 68ยฐF
VISIBILITY: 0FT
๐Ÿ’€
Fig. 3: Final transmission
"coordinates only"
[PARTIAL RECOVERY]
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๐Ÿ”ฌ SPECIES CLASSIFICATION ๐Ÿ”ฌ

Marine biologists here at the IIWS have classified the Tempe Town Lake Whale as a Sonoran Desert Lake Whale (Physeter desertica) โ€” an inland subspecies of the oceanic Sperm Whale. It is not to be confused with its cousin, the more orca-like Rocky Mountain Lake Whale (Orcinus montanus), which inhabits higher-elevation reservoir systems in Colorado and Utah.

Classification Desert Lake Whale Rocky Mtn. Lake Whale
Species Physeter desertica Orcinus montanus
Length Up to 52 feet Up to 28 feet
Habitat Desert reservoirs, irrigation canals Alpine lakes, reservoirs above 6,000 ft
Temperament IMMENSE AND VENGEFUL Aggressive but less vengeful
Diet Beavers, grizzlies, marine biologists Elk, large trout, hikers
Status Unconfirmed (officially) Unconfirmed (officially)
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๐Ÿ—บ HOW DID THE WHALE GET HERE? ๐Ÿ—บ

This is the most common question we receive (after "is this a joke" and "are you serious"). The answer, backed by our proprietary research, is straightforward:

  PACIFIC OCEAN          SEA OF CORTEZ
       |                      |
       |          [WHALE ORIGIN POINT]
       |                โ†‘
       |         Colorado River
       |              โ†‘ โ†‘
       |         HARD RIGHT at Gila River โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ”€โ–ถ
       |                                              โ†‘
       |                                         Salt River
       |                                              โ†‘
       |                                    โ˜… TEMPE TOWN LAKE โ˜…
       |                                      (you are here)
        

โ†‘ IIWS Migration Model v2.1 (1998) — route confirmed by scale analysis of pre-1900 Hohokam archaeological deposits containing sperm whale vertebrae fragments.

Once in the Salt River drainage, the whales found abundant sustenance in the large grizzly bear and North American beaver populations along the shorelines. IIWS researchers further believe the whales inhabited the Hohokam irrigation canal systems beneath what is now the greater Phoenix Basin โ€” possibly for thousands of years before the lake was constructed. The 1999 filling of Tempe Town Lake was, in essence, building a house around a tenant who was already there.

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๐Ÿ‘ EYEWITNESS ACCOUNTS ๐Ÿ‘

The following testimonies were collected by IIWS field researchers between 1999 and 2002. Names have been partially withheld at the request of subjects, several of whom expressed concern about "being laughed at" and/or "being eaten again."

"I was paddle boarding near the Mill Avenue bridge. It was early, maybe 6am. The water just... moved. Not like a wave. Like something decided to move it. My board went sideways and I saw a shape โ€” black, absolutely enormous โ€” pass maybe 15 feet beneath me. I could feel the pressure. I got off the lake immediately and I have not been back."

โ€” J.M., Tempe resident, 34 yrs old, Sept. 12, 2001

"I worked on the dam construction in '98 and '99. One of the crews on the west end found some bones during excavation. Big. Real big. Supervisor said it was a cow. There ain't been cows out there in a hundred years. We didn't talk about it after that."

โ€” Anonymous, construction worker (name withheld by request), Feb. 2000

"Absolutely not. There is no whale in Tempe Town Lake. The lake is approximately 2 miles long and 20 feet deep at its maximum. The notion of an undiscovered sperm whale surviving in a constructed reservoir in the Sonoran Desert is, to put it diplomatically, not supported by any evidence I am aware of."

โ€” Dr. [redacted], ASU Marine Sciences Dept.  [NOTE FROM IIWS: Dr. [redacted] has since reversed this position - see Proceedings Vol. 3]

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๐Ÿ“ก RECENT SIGHTINGS LOG ๐Ÿ“ก

02/14/03 03:22AM   [33.4255ยฐN, 111.9400ยฐW]
ยป Large wake observed near Mill Ave bridge. No wind. Water temp: 58ยฐF. Witness: 1 (anonymous, night jogger). Duration: ~40 seconds. RATING: HIGH CONFIDENCE
01/08/03 06:47AM   [33.4261ยฐN, 111.9388ยฐW]
ยป Paddle board reportedly overturned "from below." Witness retrieved from water by passing kayaker. Lost paddle never recovered. RATING: MEDIUM CONFIDENCE
11/19/02 11:15PM   [33.4248ยฐN, 111.9415ยฐW]
ยป NatGeo Incident. Full team deployed. Zero survivors reached shore independently. Camera recovered 03/03/02. [SEE EVIDENCE SECTION] RATING: CONFIRMED
09/12/01 06:05AM   [33.4259ยฐN, 111.9391ยฐW]
ยป J.M. encounter (see testimonies). Whale length estimated at 40-55 ft from shadow size. RATING: HIGH CONFIDENCE
07/04/00 00:01AM   [33.4252ยฐN, 111.9407ยฐW]
ยป Fireworks spectators reported "enormous splashing" during July 4th display. City attributed to "water pressure anomaly." RATING: MEDIUM CONFIDENCE
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โœ GUESTBOOK — SIGN IF YOU HAVE SEEN THE WHALE โœ

The following entries have been submitted by visitors to this website. All entries are moderated by Caveman personally. Entries denying the existence of the whale are still published in the interest of scientific transparency, but are noted accordingly.

KayakQueen_Tempe February 16, 2003  |  7:42 AM ๐Ÿ“ Tempe, AZ
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OH MY GOD. I have been trying to tell people about this for TWO YEARS and everyone thinks I'm crazy!!! I was kayaking at sunrise last October and something hit the bottom of my kayak from BELOW. Not a rock. There are no rocks. The whole boat lifted maybe 4 inches out of the water and I screamed so loud a guy jogging on the path stopped and asked if I was ok. I said NO. I was NOT ok. I am signing this guestbook because I need people to know I am NOT MAKING THIS UP. Thank you IIWS for existing.

DrPhilipMoore_ASU February 12, 2003  |  2:15 PM ๐Ÿ“ Tempe, AZ
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I am a marine biologist. This website is not science. A sperm whale cannot survive in a freshwater reservoir that is 22 feet deep. The Colorado River has multiple dams that would make upstream migration by any cetacean physically impossible. I do not know who runs this site but I would encourage them to take it down before someone gets hurt acting on this misinformation. I am only signing this so my objection is on the record.

MillAveBarfly February 9, 2003  |  11:58 PM ๐Ÿ“ Tempe, AZ
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ok so i know this is gonna sound bad but me and my roommate were walking back from Four Peaks around 1am and we stopped on the Mill Ave bridge to look at the water because we always do and there was this WAKE coming from the middle of the lake going towards the shore. no boats. no wind. it was completely calm everywhere else. the wake was like...wide. like a car-wide wake. we both saw it. we are not insane and we were not THAT drunk. bookmarking this site.

RetiredCityEmployee_Anon January 30, 2003  |  3:34 PM ๐Ÿ“ [location withheld]
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I worked for the City of Tempe Parks and Recreation department from 1997 to 2001. I am not going to give my name. During construction of the lake infrastructure there was an incident in the eastern basin in the fall of 1998. I was not there but two crew members told me about it separately without knowing they had both told me. What they described is consistent with what is on this website. I was told by a supervisor not to discuss it. I am now retired. I just wanted someone to know that the letter you sent was received and read by more than one person. It was discussed. Nothing was done because no one wanted to be the person who said it out loud.

JustAMom_Chandler January 22, 2003  |  10:11 AM ๐Ÿ“ Chandler, AZ
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Hi! My son showed me this website and he is now TERRIFIED to go to the lake for his rowing practice. He is 12. I don't know if this is real or not but could you maybe put a disclaimer that it might not be real? He used to love rowing and now he refuses to get in the boat. His coach is upset with us. I'm giving 2 stars because the website itself is well made.

HohokamHistoryBuff January 14, 2003  |  6:22 PM ๐Ÿ“ Mesa, AZ
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I have been studying Hohokam culture for 15 years as an amateur historian. Your theory about the whale inhabiting the canal system is not as far-fetched as it sounds to most people. The Hohokam built over 500 miles of canals across the Phoenix basin. Some of those canals were genuinely large. I have seen petroglyph sites in the East Valley that contain imagery I could never explain and always assumed were stylized fish or serpents. After seeing this website I am genuinely reconsidering that assumption. I would like to discuss this with your researchers if possible.

CavemanFanNumber1 December 28, 2002  |  1:03 AM ๐Ÿ“ Tempe, AZ
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I was at the lecture at The Shop. I don't want to spoil anything for people who haven't been but I will just say: the slides are real. The evidence is real. Caveman is a genuine scientist and also the most terrifying person I have ever seen smoke 11 cigarettes simultaneously. The part about the harpoon tips made me cry a little. Buy the beer. Come to the lecture. Believe in the whale.

โœ SIGN THE GUESTBOOK โ†’
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๐Ÿบ TEMPE TOWN LAKE WHALE IPA ๐Ÿบ

In partnership with The Shop Beer Co. (922 W. 1st Street, Tempe, AZ 85281), the Institute is proud to present the Tempe Town Lake Whale IPA โ€” a 7.5% West Coast IPA commemorating the creature, the legend, and the body of water it calls home. Label art by Eric S. Carlson, whose painting "Lake Whale Hunt on Mill Avenue, Tempe, AZ" depicts the hunting, towing, and butchering of the Lake Whale in vivid, terrifying detail.

๐Ÿบ 7.5% ABV ยท WEST COAST IPA ยท LIMITED RELEASE ๐Ÿบ
"If you don't know the guy on the other side of hte world, love him anyway because he's just like you. He has the same dreams, the same hopes, and fears. It's one world, pal. We're all neighbors." โ€” Frank Sinatra
Available at The Shop Beer Co. • Tempe, AZ
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